Archive for October, 2009

“Lost-Thoughts and Less-Thoughts”

The serious reason why I could not sleep for the past few weeks is because it feels like I am lost – you know what I mean by the word “lost”….right?


I’ve been counting days, months and years starting from 1998 – not that I have replaced those sheeps…not that I am putting myself to miserable situation of doing arithmetic before going to sleep…..nor getting to sentimental and reminisce what have happened in the past, but I just can’t hardly put away myself from those enless pathetic thoughts!

The sad thing is, as I keep on thinking the same things over and over, it feels like I’ll turn into a nervous breakdown and not to a comfortable good night sleep.

Those things are what I called as lost-thoughts – I’m lost but my mind keeps on thinking and thinking as well as imagining and imagining things over and over – when I realized, those are just “less-thoughts”

I’ve been counting how many years have passed since I was in fifth grade and how miserable/great/sad/happy my life was (and maybe the world) in between those years…

It was 1999 and today is the third quarter of 2009 – imagine, a decade of everything! I was in my fifth grade and this year is just a starting year for me to go to a f**** work, plan for my next job, think of what career should I pursue months or years from now, and then voila!

+I have a favourite TV program in a local channel and plugged that it’s their 10th year anniversary – too bad, it was just a dream for me to be part of that team. tsk tsk! You know the feeling when you have your “childhood dream” and certain that you’ll gonna take up this course so that you could be one of them and be like them, and then life took another turn and then you don’t have a clue why you pathetically landed in a situation to which you are now, isn’t it miserable! I once dreamed but didn’t seem to get into that track – but no regrets, really!

I once dreamed, and will continue dreaming and falling out and being rejected and then what’s next?

+plus, I’m planning to resign

It feels like I’ll die few minutes afer feeling miserable thinking all of these non-sense thoughts…..and to be honest, I am all nothing but lost!